camouflage

I'm feeling a bit down right now. I have no idea where the origin of these feelings are coming from and I don't really know what I can do to make it go away.

I should be proud of myself and feel a bit accomplished because on May 23rd I will be the 2nd person in my family to ever graduate college (first on my mom's side and 2nd on my dad's side). Yet, as I look around me, I sill feel like I'm behind everyone else. I see successful relationships that pushed through years of struggle and still manage to grow together. I see friends who are taking that next step in life and committing themselves to one person through marriage. I know people who have moved out of the house to attempt to live on their own or with their significant other. I have seen and are continuing to see people my age and younger adding additional members to their family...dogs and babies. I know people who are set with what they are going to do for a living due to the fact that they have decided to follow in their parent's footsteps and have someone to guide them.

I, on the other hand, have none of that going for me. Yes, I am still only 23 years old and will eventually get to that point in due time but I can't help but feel this way. I guess its because at times, I don't see graduating college as the greatest accomplishment. I see finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with as the greatest accomplishment. I see creating another human being with your lover and best friend as the greatest accomplishment. I see landing an occupation you always dreamed of having or being able to do what you really enjoy doing as the greatest accomplishment. And, because I am no where near any of that, I feel way behind everyone else.

The silly thing is, I can't really get myself to talk to anyone about it because I don't want anyone to see the weak vulnerable side of me. I always want people to think that I am very much content with my life and only let a select few know all the BS I go through. Unfortunately, I think doing that causes me to explode sometimes... like randomly crying at practice or just wanting to stay home while everyone is out partying.

Blah blah. This blog is way too long and way too serious.

To end on a good note, theCOMPANY is performing at the Giants game on Tuesday. I am so excited! The last time I went to a ball game was 2 years ago. On Friday, I am headed back to LA. Sucks that I'll be missing Shaun teaching but I'll be able to get a change of environment and let loose with Steph Lee. Yee!

"I’m a work in progress
I’m a seed grown into a flower
I’m a storm that’s rising
Getting stronger with every hour
And God knows I ain’t perfect
Tell me who in the world is"


_steezlo